One Step Forward Three Steps Back.

It happens and I can feel it happen, sometimes it takes a trigger to start the ball of misery rolling, today’s trigger was receiving an e-mail, tomorrow it could be something someone says to me, or my mind propelling me back a few years to when I found out my ex wife was screwing around behind my back. Unless you suffer from depression you will not understand, this is not like watching a horse you have put a £10 on lose, this is so bad that I am not articulate enough in conveying how I feel. I could be worse because I am typing this, but also if I had the means I could quite easily put a pistol in my mouth and pull the trigger, its that simple, problem is I don’t actually possess a firearm so writing this will have to suffice. Sometimes when I feel like this I write a poem as the chemistry of misery in my brain seems to help in this, as some of the great first world war poets found inspiration through their suffering in the killing fields of France, my fight was hardly worthy of a mention in comparison to the Great War, nothing really great about it really about from the Great amount of dead bodies. I just thought I would let you know how I feel today and making stupid little cartoons about the Labour Party wont help matters. I was thinking today that I wish I had never written my book or started this Blog, because part of my PTSD is a mild form of paranoia, but I have so I might as well get on with it and that’s what I’m doing by telling you all this. Oh by the way I am not feeling sorry for myself just conveying to you my illness, I’m not one of these Bloggers that post about potentially jacking in Blogging because I want people to give me encouragement and try to make me feel better, when I stop I will just stop I may tell you I may not? If this post has made you depressed sorry get yourself over to Theo Sparkand check out his Totty, it usually makes me smile.



`DARKNESS`

DARKNESS FILLS MY SKULL LIKE SEWERAGE
POURING Its STENCH INTO MY COLOURLESS ABYSS
TEARS CANNOT COME ANYMORE
WAR HAS SUCKED THE LIFE AND SOUL FROM ME
BLACK BLACK PAIN CRUSHES ME REMORSELESSLY
WALKING THIS EARTH LIKE A PITIFUL ZOMBIE
LOOK INTO MY EYES AND SEE THE DEVILS SMILE
HE LIKES MY PAIN
STAY CLEAR OF ME AND ALL I SAY
I WILL POSION YOUR DAY WITH GREIF
JUST LAUGH AND MOVE ON
THIS CREATURE CAN SMILE TOO
WATCH Its GRIMACE
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA


© Mack (RG) The thoughts of a Falklands War Veteran.
Rogue_gunner_32_alpha@yahoo.co.uk